Sunday, November 2, 2008

Adventures in dog sitting

Saturday 12 pm
Lhotse is the lovely dog of our friends Karen and Greg, who are in Europe for two weeks. We are taking care of her for the second week of their trip. Kyle and I drive to Taco Time to pick up Lhotse from her first set of dog-sitters.
Jamie: Is there anything we should know before we take her home?
Other dog sitters: No. Not really. She will pretend to be chewing her bone on the floor while sneakily destroying your carpet. Watch out.

Jamie: Okay. I can handle that.

Saturday 2 pm
Kyle and I are in the off-leash park, walking Lhotse and our dog Chaz.

Jamie: Lhotse's butt looks weird.
Kyle: Yeah?
Jamie: It looks like she has balls. Is that norm
Kyle: I don't know. I've never had a girl dog.
Jamie: Me neither.

Saturday 5 pm
Kyle and I are looking out the kitchen window, watching the dogs in the back yard.
Kyle: Chaz is still humping Lhotse. Why is he being such a tool?
Jamie: They've been going at it forever. They need to take a break.
Kyle: Maybe I should take Chaz back to my par
ents' house.
Jamie: Yeah, he can't keep this up. He's an old man and needs to rest.

Sunday 2 am
I'm awoken in the middle of the night. I hear Lhotse making weird noises.

Jamie: Kyle, get up. Somethings going on with the dog.
Kyle stumbles out of bed and into the kitchen. From bed I can hear him.
Kyle: Lhotse, are you okay? You're hurt. Where are you bleeding from?
Kyle: *!$^&*
Jamie: What? What's wrong?
Kyle: Come check this out. See where she's bleeding from.
I wander into the kitchen to see blood all over the kitchen floor, emanating the area of Lhotse that had earlier appeared to be her balls. She's in heat.

Sunday 1pm
Kyle returns from walking Lhotse.
Kyle: I had her in the off-leash park but we came to a big group of dogs and three of them started coming after her, sniffing aggressively. I had to put her on her leash and take off.
Jamie: Yeah, maybe we shouldn't take her to the off-leash park anymore. The last thing I want to tell Karen and Greg when they get back is that their dog was gang-banged at the park.

Sunday, 3pm
Lhotse is desperately lonely and crying on the back porch.

Jamie: Maybe we should let her in. She's reall
y sad. What if we block off the kitchen and let her stay in there?
Lhotse runs in, leaping with joy as we're reunited after two long hours apart. Her tail is wagging like crazy, acting acting much like a propeller and spraying drops of blood everywhere.

After cleaning up the mess, we become the Macgyvers of dog sitting. Our problems are solved with the creative use of simple household objects - an old pair of underwear, a pad, some scissors (for a tail hole), a safety pin, and some duct tape.


Celia said...

My theory while reading was that you accidentally took the wrong dog home from the off leash area. That would have led to more trouble, but more fun for us the reader.
However, a picture of a dog wearing your underwear held on by duct tape definitely was entertaining too.

arbyn said... a pad? oh, wow.

Karen said...

yah, sorry. her sister went into heat the exact same day, talk about a family bond.

Paige said...

Hahahahaha... OMG... still laughing. You poor woman! (and man if Kyle ever reads this)

Dave said...

James how do you have such crazy adventures?? Hilarious!

Karen said...

...and still bleeding.

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