Saturday, November 3, 2007

What? I didn't like the pair with the Wayans brothers on them

Last weekend my sister Amisha's husband Andy stayed at our house. Somehow, a pair of my underwear left with him, hitching a ride from the dryer to Edmonton inside Andy and Amisha's laundry hamper. Or at least that's what my panty-stealing creep of a brother-in-law would have you believe.

Anyway, Amisha blogged about my underwear, making fun of the fact that they say "Sammy's Snack Shack" on the butt. Sadly, almost all of my underwear have something lame written on the back. I don't buy them because I actually want underwear that says "Twin Kitties", or "Valet Girl - Who me, park? " or "Boy Scout - Scouting for Cute Boys." It's just that the cheesy underpants that Wal Mart markets to 14 year old girls happen to be insanely comfortable.

The last underwear I bought was on clearance. Strangely, most of the ones on sale said "Everyone Loves an Asian Girl" on the butt and had a picture of a Chinese take-out box with chop sticks. Apparently, there isn't a huge market for mildly racist panties at Wal Mart. Despite their obvious flaws, the price tag called out to me - $1.39 (1.39!). In response, I picked up two pairs and tossed them in the cart. I also bought some that say "Everyone loves an Italian girl" with a picture of spaghetti and meatballs. Now I could probably get away with telling people I'm Italian. However, nobody would ever, ever believe that I, a giant, blue-eyed, translucent woman am even remotely Asian.

I bought the underwear thinking the "design" wouldn't matter because nobody would ever see them. However, more than once I have been struck with horror when I suddenly realize that I'm wearing my Asian Girl underwear when changing at the gym. There are only a couple of conclusions a person could draw upon seeing me in them.

a) I'm a creep who is slyly hitting on the Asian ladies at the gym
b) I've beaten up some poor proud Asian girl and stolen her underwear
c) I buy second-hand skivvies
d) I'm mocking any and all Asian people who dare look at my bum
e) I'm just a weirdo who either doesn't care, or has no idea what she's wearing (correct!)

Lesson learned: Sometimes it is just best to let a bargain pass you by.


Paige said...

This post had me laughing so hard. Some of my underwear (my 'fancy' collection of panties) also have quotes, but are not mildly racist. I think one says "Nothing to wear" and other such cute things. Maybe you just shouldn't trust Wal-Mart with your undergarments, sale or not.

Celia said...

I wish you had these underwear when we used to work out. Then I could have bet ahead of time what slogan you were wearing and it would have been a great incentive to go to the gym.

Aimee said...

i know this line of panties and agree they are very comfy. I sheepishly own, "when I see him I see stars" (cartoon woman swooning), "everyone loves a tomboy" (complete with soccer ball) and "wanted" (sheriff star).

oh dear.

for a hidden item like underwear I vote for comfort and price over style.


Amisha said...

Andy thinks you hid them in our laundry so that you would have something funny to write about.

Jamie said...

Those are totally the words of a panty stealer.

Geegee said...

I agree with Amisha, Andy may very well have been set up in this shananigan.

I am off to Wal-Mart to buy some underpants....

Heather M. said...


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