Saturday, October 27, 2007

We Cut Down Old Growth Forests for This?

One of the best parts of the day is when the mail comes. It's particularly enjoyable lately because it's Christmas catalogue time. Last year, Kyle bought some fly fishing stuff from a company that sold his information and is responsible for the deluge of crap we receive from October to December.

I secretly love to tell Kyle when a catalogue has come. He rages about wasted paper and swears that he will never buy anything from said fishing company again...no matter how awesome their product is. Even better is when he phones the companies to get off their mailing lists and they refuse to remove his name.

Hands down, the best/worst is America's longest running catalogue - Hammacher Schlemmer (even the name is wasteful. Those crazy Germans with all their consonants!). Need ideas for Christmas gifts? Hammacher Schlemmer has the most ridiculous products you could ever dream of giving that hard-to-buy-for person.

Would you like a jumpless jump rope that allows you to engage in the training regimen enjoyed by Olympic boxers without interrupting the flow of your workout routine by getting the rope caught in your feet?



No? How about the 6-foot tall classic animatronic fortune teller, Zoltar? Only $8,999.99 (plus $500 shipping).



Maybe you'd be interested in a mechanical core muscle trainer for the low low price of $1,499.95. The gentle swaying of the saddle forces the core muscles of the body to expand and contract.


Okay. Perhaps an alarm clock that rolls away and hides when you hit the snooze button would be more to your liking. Wait...that actually is kind of awesome.

Oh evil Hammacher Schlemmer, despite all my mockery you got me... You got me.

6 comments:

Paige said...

We received that catalogue in the past and there is the most overpriced, messed up stuff in it that I've ever seen. Crazy Germans indeed... Oh and if you're looking for a x-mas gift for me, I do like having my fortune told by a man in a box. I'm just saying. No pressure.

Amisha said...

I'm not sure which is creepier, a real horse or that fake horse saddle thing.

Ian said...

I'd be careful about mocking Zoltar. I haven't learned many life lessons from Tom Hanks (people don't give jobs to grown men playing in toy departments, they only give scorn), but I know to fear and respect the age-defying power of the mighty Zoltar.

Celia said...

I saw a consumer show reviewing alarm clocks and included this one. All the reviewers said they didn't sleep well while using it because it scared them so much when it would go off and race off. Seems like you could easily develop some sort of complex. Doesn't seem like a fun way to start the day.

Jamie said...

Wow you guys really have my back. I'll have to watch my Zoltar mockery and maybe hold off on buying a $50 alarm clock.

Celia, did you mean that I personally could easily develop some sort of complex? Oh Celia, you know me so well.

Heather M. said...

Seriously, Jamie, where do you come up with this?!?! You need to do stand-up or something because I am just killing myself here!

 
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