Oh Christmas Tree!

Last summer, my sister Amisha advised me that we needed to cut the spruce tree that was trying to grow its way through the front of our house. In a stroke of brilliance, I decided to wait until December to cut it own. That way, I could get my yard work done and not have to pay for a Christmas tree.

So a few weeks ago I decided it was time to get out and do a little Christmas yard work. I grabbed some mittens and a saw and got down to work. After I sawed/kicked the tree down, our roommate Alanna helped me drag it into the house while our neighbour laughed at us.

It even came pre-decorated with lots of dried leaves, a tin yogurt lid and some construction tape. Ours might not be the most shapely Christmas tree but I think it's gorgeous. Of all the unruly trees I've cut down in our yard, it's by far my favourite. I'll even miss it come January.

When Kyle puts away the groceries

I'm not sure what his logic was here. Maybe alphabetical order - panty liners, pasta...

TV for blind people

Tonight Kyle's Christmas wish came true... our TV finally broke. A month ago the sound went really strange and he fixed it by rigging something up through the VCR. This evening, our TV has inexplicably started broadcasting voice-over services for the visually impaired. On every station, the same woman's voice describes the action on screen.

"Homer opens the door, crosses the room and looks in Maggie's crib. Homer runs across the hall to Lisa's room."

At first I thought this new "feature" might make TV watching even easier than it already is. You know, sometimes I just can't keep up with the fast-paced action on the screen or don't want to put in the effort of keeping my eyes focused. But instead of improving my television experience, the voice-over lady has ruined it. Having her describe everything happening on screen is incredibly irritating when you're not visually impaired. And because we did nothing to activate the voice over, we are absolutely baffled as to how to turn it off.

The power of the mind

This morning, just after I woke up, I was standing in the bathroom with the door open. All of the sudden I thought, "Hm...maybe I should make a cup of tea."

The thought was weird because I never drink tea in the morning and I was incredibly thirsty for a cold glass of water.

As I shuffled down the hallway, I heard an odd noise. A boiling noise. I walked into the kitchen to see that our insanely crappy electric kettle (which is supposed to shut off automatically) was going full boil. Its white plastic outside was quite hot and feeling a bit soft. Quickly, I came to realize that the kettle had been boiling for over an hour while I slept.

Thanks brain, for alerting me to the possibility of "tea", rather than "kitchen fire".

Full-on Winter

Last night on the news, the newscasters spent five minutes talking about world events and about 20 talking about the recent change in the weather. That drives me crazy. It reminds me of the Grande Prairie Herald Tribune, which would have one page of Canadian news, another of world events and a whole sports section each day. Of two sections to the paper, one was sports. "What? There was a conflict in Rwanda? Um, I'm not sure about that but I could tell you which of our two high schools had the best curling team."

Anyway, back to winter. To stave off the winter blues, I've decided to write about the things I've been enjoying this fall/winter.

1) Mittens: I just love mittens and my sister Heather has made me two fantastic pairs. Not only are they cute but they also make it so that I don't have to touch doorknobs all winter. My mittens are a fashion-conscious germaphobe's dream!

2)Pomegranates: I am having such a great time eating pomegranates. Kyle thinks that they're too much work but that's part of what I love. Picking out the seeds is like some sort of meditation for me.

3)Puffy birds: I love waking up and looking out our kitchen window to see the round little birds puffing up their feathers to stay warm.

4)Less time for playground zones: We have a playground zone down the street from our house. I don't really mind slowing down during the day but I relish being able to whip through there at 5:30pm. Take that, kids trying to play at the park before supper!

5)Mandarin oranges: Everytime I break the peel of a mandarin orange, the Ghost of Christmas Past bursts out and flies up my nose.

Does not follow directions well

A few weeks ago, Kyle noticed that there are instructions on his underwear tag.

New and Improved Stereotypes

These are taken from http://newstereotypes.blogspot.com/

Black people can extinguish a fire just by dissing it.















During the great Chicago fire of 1871, it took nearly 100 men implying the inferno's mother was promiscuous to smother the blaze


Germans can get pregnant from the sound of David Hasselhoff's Voice















And yet they just can't resist his dulcet tones. Which must be why one in three German women are impregnated by him at any given time. (Watch out Kristina)


Indians lose their nipples every full moon...

But on the bright side, when they reappear they smell exactly like fresh-baked sugar cookies.